


Hard To Love

by Toni_Lynne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 13:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12936561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toni_Lynne/pseuds/Toni_Lynne





	Hard To Love

_I am insensitive, I have a tendency_  
_To pay more attention to the things that I need_  
 _Sometimes I drink to much, sometimes I test your trust,_  
 _Sometimes I don’t know why you’re staying with me_

  
_I’m hard to love, hard to love,_   
_Oh I don’t make it easy,_   
_I couldn’t do it if I stood where you stood_   
_I’m hard to love, hard to love,_   
_You say that you need me,_   
_I don’t deserve it but I love that you love me good_

  
_I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball_   
_Crashing into your heart like I do_   
_You’re like a Sunday morning full of grace and full of Jesus_   
_And I wish that I could be more like you_

  
_I’m hard to love, hard to love,_   
_Oh I don’t make it easy,_   
_I couldn’t do it if I stood where you stood,_   
_I’m hard to love, hard to love,_   
_You say that you need me,_   
_I don’t deserve it but I love that you love me good_   
_Love me good_

  
_Girl you’ve given me a million second chances_   
_And I don’t ever wanna take you for granted_

* * *

 

“You are still leaving?” he heard you ask, your voice quiet in the aftermath of the harsh screaming from the latest fight.

John sighed, tossing a shirt into his duffle bag. “I have to, the boys need me.”

“The boys are grown men with an angel and a demon for best friends.  They can handle this hunt alone,” you said, arms crossed. “I need you.  Stay here for me. For _us_.”

John didn’t have the time or desire to continue fighting and he could feel his temper flair. “Am I supposed to let the werewolf run free and kill more innocent people just because you don’t feel like you get enough attention?” he growled, regretting the words as soon as they escaped his mouth.

Pain flashed across your face before you spun on your heel and went in the bathroom, slamming the door.

“Y/N,” John said, reaching for the doorknob just as he heard the lock click.  He knocked instead. “Sweetheart, open the door.”

The sound of the shower kicking on didn’t do much to muffle the sound of you crying.  John slumped against the door, wishing he could take back what he said. 

He honestly couldn’t understand what made you stay this long with the amount of time he spent gone and the way his past had hardened his heart and tongue. He knew damn well how hard loving him was on you and it haunted him, kept him up at night when you were sleeping in his arms, made him wonder how long this would last before you gave up.

John’s phone went off with a text from Dean wanting to know if he had left yet. He turned from the locked door and grabbed his bag. 

* * *

 

He had been on the road for just over an hour and the further he got from you the worse he felt.  The fight had started because he promised to paint the bathroom you had spent over a week remodeling on your own while he was out on back to back hunts. 

When he got home mentally wrecked and physically exhausted he picked up a bottle of hunter’s helper instead of a paint brush for two days in a row.  You probably would have forgiven him for that, but when he got super drunk and threw up all over your new bathroom you weren’t so forgiving.

He knew he was wrong. He knew he let you down _again_. But at the time he couldn’t admit it and things blew up.

John thought back to when he met you, the intense lust he had felt that within weeks turned into love.  Something he never wanted or even thought he could feel again.   Everything about you was magic. The way your laughter rang like music, the breathy moans that escaped your mouth when he made love to you, the way you bit your lip when you cooked.

And the fact that you loved him, something you showed him everyday when you sent him texts or made him his favorite dinner or silently held his hand when he was hurting.  The way you took care of him. The nights you stayed up until dawn for him to come home so you could wash the blood from his body and make sure he ate before letting him sleep in your arms, clinging to you in an effort to keep the nightmares away.

He was lucky to have you and he knew he would be lost without you.  He wished his past hadn’t broken him. He wished he could open himself up to you and give you what you gave him everyday.  He needed to do right before you decided the next second chance was the last one.

John pulled off the road, grabbing his phone to send Dean a quick text. _Do this one without me_. Before turning around, stepping on the gas.

* * *

 

John walked in the back door, dropping his duffel bag on the floor. Making his way to the bedroom he saw you curled up in the bed, clutching his pillow in your arms. You looked so small and lonely in the big bed alone.

Sitting down next to you he placed his hand on your hip, gently shaking you awake.

“John?” you whispered, looking up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I turned around and came back,” he said, reaching over to run his fingers across your cheek before tucking a strand of stray hair behind your ear.

You sat up. “What about the werewolf?”

“The boys will handle it,” John said, leaning down to press a light kiss to your lips. “I have a bathroom to paint.”

You pulled back. “Tonight?”

“Right now,” he said, standing up. “Want to keep me company?”

You grinned and nodded, climbing out of bed.

John took in the tank top and panties you were wearing. “You should put some pants on if you want me to stay focused on painting,” he suggested with a wicked grin.

Laughing, you pulled your yoga pants on and followed him down the hallway.

 


End file.
